so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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