My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
