addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
