Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
