I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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