the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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