His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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