Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
