This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
this beer tastes like vomit already
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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