we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think your dad took our porno
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
