Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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