have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
