it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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