Who wears a wallet chain?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I intend to get homeless drunk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
