my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
