I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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