I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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