He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
