non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was confusing and full of hummus
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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