Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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