Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Semen is not good for contacts.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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