You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
