it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
