I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
