If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
