My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
