I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
