My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
