I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
