I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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