I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
