I heard we made out
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
