we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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