I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
