So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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