so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
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If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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