i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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