ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
