He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
