Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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