walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
