Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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