Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
