my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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