I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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