You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Randomize
