No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
