Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We left the knife in your bed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
