Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
