Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
