So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
