Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
kristin has been a bad kristin
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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