Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
