U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
