Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize