i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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