what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
