The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
