Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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