i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
