I can tuck mytits in my pants
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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