Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize