need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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