he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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