he thought i was a dude.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
