After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wear drunk well.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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