My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
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I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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