Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
