I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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