My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
