Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
