So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
