just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
