dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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