Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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